I should add that I am also going healthier. Everything I eat is better for me than before. I’m not just going without sugar. I’m not eating out anymore or buying food that’s just a filler. I eat to sustain myself.

So, on my last day before I started this whole thing I went to my FAVORITE Diner and got a big juicy Burger and fries and a strawberry malt. Yeah it was amazing. But the next day I didn’t buy my Starbucks drink that had to have like 5000g of sugar. I got an iced green tea with coconut milk. I didn’t buy any snacks to get me through the day I only ate to sustain myself.

By the 3rd day I didn’t even miss it. And I felt great. I didn’t even struggle to not get sugar. I was thrilled. I hadn’t started working out yet as I work 3 jobs and am exhausted after work. My energy level had started to pick up but only a little.

But MY BRAIN. I cannot describe what 4 days without sugar did for my head. My severe depression. I have been suicidal for as long as I can remember. I just want it to all go away. And always have. I hated myself more than I can really put into words. The thoughts aren’t there. 4 days without sugar and I didnt want to end it all. I am still depressed. Its not something that is that easy to fix. But I have relief from those thoughts. It’s crazy how much a break from them helps. My anger had subsided. I have wanted approval from men for a long time. And I find it in negative ways from boys I shouldn’t have even entertained. But I felt like I needed it. It numbed me enough to get through the days which is confusing. But that’s what it was for me. Numbing. By the end of week one I didn’t need that. I didn’t need mens approval. I didn’t want to be surrounded by men who only waste my time. It was time to focus on me and getting my shit done so that I was able to give my son the life he very well deserves. And I finally felt like I could do that.

So, I wanted my first blog post to be an introduction and informative on my life growing up and the struggles I had. So it won’t be easy to say this since most of it I never even told close family or friends.

I have always been on the heavy side. Never huge. And I carried my weight well. No one would guess I was over 200lbs after my son was born. I’m not sure why no one could tell, I could for sure see it. And I always struggled with how I looked. Even before my son.

So let’s go back to around 10 years old. My problem was on full blast and I was CHUNKY. My parents were desperate. But I would sneak out in the middle of the night and literally scoop powdered sugar into a cup and eat it. I know, GROSS. But that’s what I’m saying. I got caught shoplifting. Wanna know what it was? Jelly beans. I shoplifted Jelly Beans. That was like at 14 I think. Tell me that’s not pathetic. Everything I bought was sugar infused. I would buy Starbucks and my drinks would be extremely sugar packed. Sugar is a massive problem. But no one wants to talk about it.

I’m not going completely sugar free. I’m not trying to complicate my life. I’m trying to make it better. And I want to walk this path with all of you!